ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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