I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
People in love make me want to vomit
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
