my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I forget how to act sober
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
