the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
