i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
