actually, I'm a sock model
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
