I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
