a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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