So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
