I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
is wine microwaveable?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
