You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
