Got a toothbrush?
i jhust puked up my retainher.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
