You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
