Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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