We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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