thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
