I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
