he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
PS: I just woke up from my shower
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
