Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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