Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
