When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
