I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
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