Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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