is your mom at the bar?
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Randomize
