Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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