he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize