This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
