I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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