I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
