dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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