I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
