I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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