So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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