so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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