also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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