absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
