But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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