god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
