He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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