He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
