His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
The dick lei will go down in squad history
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
