booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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