i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
