You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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