The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
