So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
The dick lei will go down in squad history
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
