i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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