We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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