i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
