mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
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