i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
