i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
