her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
