Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize