I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
