sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Semen is not good for contacts.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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