is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
