this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Randomize
