maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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