If that was your dad, he is hot
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
