Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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