Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
