That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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