I've blown a few things in my day
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Randomize
