We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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