They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
soo... how was my night?
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