it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
is that a dick in a sweater?
Randomize
