i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I AM VODKA MAN
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
